What Dublin Restaurant Should You Go To Based On Your Zodiac Sign?
Words: Maggie Fagan & Tobi Ilori
Dublin is full of amazing restaurants, and if you’re like us, you often struggle to narrow down which spots to spend your hard earned cash in. Join us in a very 2010 coded experiment, where the zodiac chooses your destiny.
Everyone in Dublin has a place they keep ending up in. It might be a burger spot like Bunsen you defend and, to be fair, for good reason. Or that same pizza place that always comes up when someone suggests dinner. Then there are the people who claim they’re “open to trying new places” but somehow never stray too far from the same few.
People will tell you it’s about taste. Or convenience. Or “just what they were in the mood for.” It’s not.
If you pay attention, you start to notice the same people making the same choices over and over again. Let’s expose them together, shall we?
“The Vegan”
Intuitive, sensitive, and empathetic, we wouldn’t be surprised if most vegans identify as Pisces. These lil’ fishies are dreamers, that aspire to one day live off the grid despite being addicted to their phones, and probably have the numbers ‘444’ tattooed on their wrist. You’ll find them at places like The Saucy Cow, where the vegans of Dublin go to live out their ultimate fantasies in the form of fast food.
“The Hothead Honcho”
Aries don’t do subtle, they’re the real go big or go home type. They’re also fiercely competitive. Find them at Big Fan, filling out the little sheet with the pencil faster than their dining buddies, as if it’s some sort of game they need to win. Aries want excitement, and in food, that comes in the form of spice, and lots of it.
“The Live, Laugh, Love Girlie”
A Taurus is truly a creature of habit. Once they find something they like, that’s it. No deviations. No experimenting. We’re not directly calling them a basic bitch, but there’s a chance you could show them ten better options and they’ll still go back to the same place.
FX Buckley on Crow Street is a safe space for them. It’s reliable, consistent, and Taureans can expect the same standard every visit. Nothing more and nothing less. Ask yourself: when was the last time you went to FXB’s and were left unsatisfied? Exactly, so leave them be and let them enjoy not needing to Google a single thing on the menu. It keeps their cortisol nice and low. Just the way they like it.
“The Indecisive Queen”
Geminis are in a constant state of decision paralysis. They don’t order, they negotiate. Two mains. A side “just to try.” Still thinking about what they didn’t get. They’ll be halfway through the meal before they’ve made peace with their decision. Good World on South George’s Street is one of the few places that can keep up with this air sign.
The menu is huge. The options are endless. A Gemini’s nightmare and dream all at the same time. For a Gemini, it’s not about choosing the right thing. It’s about never fully committing to one. The daily steamed dim sum menu has enough options that whatever turmoil they have with picking something and sticking to it will be somewhat alleviated. Never cured though.
“The Wet Blanket”
Cancers crave comfort above all of us. They are sensitive souls that need warmth, familiarity and the need to feel safe from the chaos of choice that exists in this little old city.
The Winding Stair on Ormond Quay understands this instinctively. Books, wood, soft noises, and plates that don’t take them out of their comfort zone. It’s the kind of place where you settle in and get cosy with calming views (of the Liffey). Exactly what Cancers need in a restaurant.
“The Attention Whore”
Leos don’t dine out to eat, they dine out to be seen. Gloria Osteria on Westmoreland St. is a likely spot you’ll find these kitty kats. They’ll be the ones asking for the better table for optimum room scanning.
Gloria’s hustle and bustle is one of the rare spots that can keep up with their energy. Leos are like Gloria’s lemon meringue. OTT, a little bit vain, but a lot of fun.
“The Clean Girl”
Like your ma when she randomly walks into your room and inspects the chaos, Virgos notice everything. Floritz’s attention to detail matches this energy. The lighting. The timing. The way the plate is set down. Everything is where it should be and nothing out of place.
Virgos aren’t trying to be difficult. They just like things done properly. Nothing gets past them. Talk about having an eye for fine food but an even finer one for interiors. We commend a baddie with a taste for aesthetics.
“The People Pleaser”
Libras whole energy screams “I’m easy, whatever you want”. They would sooner begin learning how to perform brain surgery before picking a restaurant that you would not like to eat at.
Rosa Madre is the ace up their sleeve when it’s their turn to pick the group dining spot. Proudly Italian and a hands down crowd pleaser, Rosa Madre might be a super safe pick but it is also an incredibly tasty one.
“The Mysterious Michael”
Scorpios are known for being mysterious, elusive, and low key sxc bby. Hang Dai is also all these things. What are those ducks doing hanging on the wall? Are they decoration? Do they actually cook them? Who knows. And who cares.
Why does the dining room feel like the set of a Japanese ’80s video game? It makes no sense. It doesn’t have to. Hang Dai’s low lighting, effortlessly cool DJs and spicy AF food make a Scorpio feel right at home. You can just picture them under the disco ball sipping on some esoteric cocktail (a Zombie), after ordering a plate of nightshade (the sweet soy aubergine).
“The Adventurer”
Sagittarians don’t have time to be waiting around in 30 minute queues for a slice of pizza. They have better things to do like writing their first novel, or learning Latin, or other cool shit like that.
They are more than happy to chow down on DiFontaines as long as they don’t have to queue. These NYC slices have stood the test of time in this dirty old town, and their energetic, late night energy, is as infectious as the fiery archer.
“The Lick Arse”
Capricorns are the goody two shoes of the zodiac. They’re the ones that rally the group chats to go on hikes at the weekend in the rain and who complete Dry January without a bother on them. They’re not quite the swots like they were in school, but could well be if you catch them on the wrong day.
You’ll find them gravitating towards places like Overends Kitchen in Dundrum, which is all very wholesome, just like them. Tranquil gardens (for mindfulness), farm to table workshops (for self improvement), foraging trails (for connecting with nature), Capricorns are in their element in this space. Overends is their idea of the perfect restaurant. Sustainable, health conscious, and clean cut.
“The Freaky Bitch”
Aquarians are the eclectic members of the zodiac so of course you won’t find them at any old run of the mill restaurant. You’re likely to find them at places that push the boat out when it comes to dining experiences. Somewhere like Allta – a food explorer’s paradise.
Their menu goes down all sorts of wacky and adventurous avenues – think Carrot Old Fashioneds, half a pig’s head complete with the teeth on a platter, oyster ice cream, you get the gist. Allta are so funky they once operated out of a car park. Aquarians belong here.
So the next time you’re insisting it’s “just what you’re in the mood for,” have a think.
You’ve probably already made that decision before you sat down.
