The 5 Best Pints of Paddy’s Day
If there’s one thing Paddy’s Day comes with, it’s pints. Sure, there are many of us who head for the hills in our hiking boots, but most of us use the Bank Holiday as a chance to go for a few schoops with the lads.
There are many different kinds of pint that make up the day we commemorate a Welsh slave ridding our land of its snakes and gifting us oppressive organised religion, but these are our five favourites.
The ‘Sure it’s Paddy’s’ Breakfast Pint
Is there anything more thrilling than an AM Guinness? You could jump out of an aeroplane, go on a rollercoaster and ask a human being out in real life, and still, it wouldn’t get the juices pumping in quite the same way. Try anything you can to get your adrenaline pulsing but come Paddy’s day, cracking a single fridge-cold tin of Guinney – crrsht, zzclk, pttsh – and drinking it while watching the pre-parade news coverage will make you feel every emotion of thrill and more. Knowing it’s wrong – knowing that society disapproves of morning drinking while some people are still in bed – enhances the taste of the pint.
The First Pint When You Land a Table After Hovering for Ages
The joy of getting a seat in the pub when it’s busy should be studied. The sense of accomplishment an Irish person can feel when they manage to nab a table on Paddy’s Day is something close to transcendent. If you have been staking out the good seats since your arrival and manage to tag team it with the girlies to double-pincer a table after the old guard has to shuffle off and look after their kids; then you are an Alexander-The-Great level strategist. If you manage to do this while there is someone getting a round in, it is the ultimate Paddy’s Day win. Nothing tastes better than a perfectly executed plan with a pint of plain.
The One With The Friend Who You Only See At Special Occasions
We all have those friends who you once saw every day, and then the slow creep of adult responsibilities took them. It’s like you looked up, and the vagabond you used to ditch class to drink cheeky tins of Tesco’s Finest on a sunny day has to be booked weeks in advance and then always brings their partner/child/sense-of-crushing-realism with them. But then a special occasion rolls around, and you see the twinkle in their eye. That glimmer of The Goo washes over their features, and when they plonk a pint down in front of you, you know it’s going to be a helluva night.
The One An American Bought For You Just Cos You Feigned Polite Interest in Their Geneology
If there is one thing that La Feile Phadraig brings out, it’s the Yanks. Yanks in their droves. Everyone of them with some connection to their ‘homeland’ that is our home. It can be unbearable for us, but they don’t mean any harm by it. Imagine being an American? It’s a hard life being so universally disliked. So you have done the polite nod, you’ve feigned some interest in their ‘my great-great-great-great-grandmother three times removed Mary was from Cork’ moment and made them feel seen. Then suddenly, a pint lands in front of you. It’s like Paddy himself is thanking you for being a good Samaritan. And a free pint always tastes better, especially in this economy.
The Pint Of Water You Have Right Before Bed
Listen, the pints between the last one you remember and the taxi home are a blur of green hats and airhorns. But that crisp pint of water you left beside your bed for just this eventuality tastes like what you imagine Link’s healing potions must be like. Bonus points if you have the Dioralyte and Berocca resting beside it. That pint is a gift you give yourself, and it brings one of the truest joys one can experience on Paddy’s Day.
Elsewhere on Char: How to Throw A Party Using Nothing But Guinness
